Religious vs Spiritual

I’ve cracked the code on the difference between religious and spiritual. Tonight, as I lead my interfaith group into a discussion of the Yamas and Niyamas., a good friend, while referring to a quote in the book ‘The Yamas & Niyamas’ by Deborah Adele on page 173: “The way to have a good day is to open up the door and LET GOD IN!” referring to surrender, she asked, where does the tension rise from, where does it enter when it enters religion? Where it suddenly become ego over love? And my response was ‘expectation and judgment’. For myself that is what has turned me away from religion, from organizations that push a rule book and then frown upon you if you’re not following the rule book. Organizations where questions are sort of ok, as long as they stay in the scope of what they’re changing. However, it is encouraged to find the answers within the books published among said religion.

Instead, I am about philosophy, the exchange of ideas, the questions without judgments, and those without direct answers in a book but maybe by growing your faith through experiences.  That is what spirituality is. Believing in an unknown beyond you and having faith that it has your complete back but being able to doubt and question and go by your feelings and not necessarily judge those feelings. To look for the answers, that lies in you, by searching for things bigger than you out of you. Things that are not easily explained; flowers, animals, the sky, day into evening and evening into the day, the world turning, rain and snow, leaves turning color, a million and one species of animals and bugs, flowers, so many flowers, and plants and grassland and on and on and on. Feelings and emotions and whatever feelings you’re having, to explore them. To sit with them. To feel them. That although they feel so much bigger than you, there’s an answer in them. 

That is the grand difference between religion and spirituality. Well, at least for me it is. I believe that in the end, believing in something greater than you, that it has your back or IT has your back or that he/she has your back, whatever it is identified for you, is enough to live an exploratory life. I believe that when you’re being asked, mostly by organized religion, to live in this box and be identified by a title and a certain way of “doing things right” by their judgment book, that is not unity, that is not peace, that is a standard to live by and we weren’t meant to live one standard.  

I agree the moral compass should be the same for all; no killing, cheating, stealing, jealousy, sneakiness, backstabbing, gossiping, yadda, yadda, all the things that are toxic and you know whether you’re 10 or 100, not to do because it doesn’t bring any peace or have any real value to. But the point of all these greats that have passed through this world; Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Confucius, and others…., have all instilled the same things and have the same common thread, ask questions, be curious and give due to where due should be given, the person/thing that gave you life, that has you breathing without you needing to think about it, that has given us plants and flowers and animals and all species of fish and mountains and sky and trees and oceans and seas. And to give this due, we also need to respect it. We need to live by the moral code of humanity.

Don’t take more than you need to, there is plenty to give around. Be grateful. Be humble. Stop comparing, stop judging, stop worrying. Be mindful of your neighbor. Find love in yourself, even in all the weirdness and quirkiness because we were not, in fact, all made the same and that is the beauty but we were made equal. We are all imperfect humans trying to find ourselves, trying to heal, trying, just trying. And so when you’re trying to fit me into a box and asking me to live by a standard, I can’t believe that a God that has created me and created so many different species of insects and plants and flowers and animals and people and nations and places and seasons and intellects is asking me to choose a label, a box, one way to be for the rest of eternity. 

Instead, I believe He is asking me to live morally and is giving me the choice to choose good or bad, to suffer or find peace, to love or hate, to judge or accept, to understand or stay confused. We are given these choices and they are simple, so very simple, without the ego getting in the way.

And in that, we are being asked to go past the ego, to find our heart center and see who we really are because it is there that all creation is based on. It is our heart centers that hold all our DNA and completes us. It is there, in that very center that tells us who we are, were meant to be, and are meant to become before roads led us elsewhere.

So I am asking you, all of you, myself included, to just sit, hand placed on your heart, and quietly search every day, every second of the day, what lies there. What is that truth? It is there you will find your moral compass and the way to your freedom.

Fear of Trying

Recently my wonderful sister friend and I decided that our podcast needed to be placed on hold. It seems like this was a long time coming but really it was only in the last few episodes that things began to dwindle. When we first began this endeavor our goal, our why, to this podcast was to reach people and help them spiritually get in tune with themselves through our own experiences, so that they could handle their life experiences.

We ran out of the gate hard and stayed consistent with our themes and conversations but somewhere along the way other things came into place. The date of when we were to publish our podcast came and went without publishing, being able to record became hard because we both have other lives to attend to and after we wrapped up discussing the Yamas/Niyamas, which are part of Patanjali’s 8 Limbs of Yoga and how to live a more purposeful life, it just seemed that the ‘Joie de Vivre’ of this podcast had just lost its way.

The thing about myself, is I think any and all things can be saved. Instead of just giving up and walking away, I thought that maybe there was a way to save this thing I wanted so badly. I wanted the podcast to succeed so badly because my end goal was to share my life experiences, my spiritual awakening, and to be able to help others cope with their lives. It was a platform to share our story and let others know they are not alone, there’s help, there’s a way.

So in speaking with my sister-friend I suggested that we begin freestyling the podcast. We just record our conversations because most often when she and I speak we are usually talking about life stuff; what’s currently happening with us, our kids, our past, how we’d fix it, what’s worked for us, etc. We thought in recording this way, it would sound more natural, free-flowing. Instead, the point just got lost. We just sounded like two women in their own worlds talking about things but not really including anyone else on it. We didn’t share facts or real tips on how to make things work for others. It wasn’t a podcast, it was a bitchfest and it’s not what either of us wanted.

Sometimes the things that sound great to you, don’t sound so great said out loud. We had many great tips on how to fix lives and how spirituality has helped us and how yoga and meditation play a big role in healing. But none of that was really reiterated into our podcast and it was just a fast-moving train going way off the track and before it crashed, we both decided to jump off.

Something happened though when that happened. I felt a little relieved but also a little hurt. I felt like she and I had this break up and I felt a little empty.  Like I should have picked the phone back up and said, “no, no, let’s try again. We can make this work.”

Instead, I sat there and let the hurt sink in and I sat in the pain and understood that it’s ok. It’s ok to hurt and sit in pain a bit. I was facing the reality of the situation. I was hurt that the thing I wanted most-to help others-didn’t work out and I was hurt that I couldn’t make this goal come to fruition. 

When you put something in your heart that you think is yours and that you think you are meant to do and it doesn’t work out, the first thing that happens is you beat yourself up thinking that you’re no good at listening. Thinking that somehow you didn’t get the message right.

The truth is, there will be things that work and don’t work out and the only way to find that out is by doing them. 

If I had sat around and never tried the podcast, I’d of always thought about it. Instead, I tried the thing that scared me the most, speaking out loud and although it didn’t work out in the way I wanted, it did help me in getting over my fear of public speaking.

From this podcast, I was able to restart my Open Mic nights. Years ago I had begun this spoken word open mic project and it went well for a few months, but I always kept it very low-key and it never went anywhere because I was afraid of my own success.

However, since starting the podcast and putting myself out there on a public platform, I restarted the open mic nights and have publicized it to the point that I have a waiting list of performers. 

And so that is the thing about doing something even when you’re not sure of how it’ll go. To do something scared is beneficial because it gets you out of your head and into your body. It allows you to open up space in you that is closed off to the fear of failing.  So instead of maybe failing, you don’t do it at all but live a life of wonder. Instead, trying the thing that scares you, teaches you about yourself, it helps you grow and expand, and changes the perception you have of yourself. It builds confidence and opens up doors you otherwise have kept closed to stay comfortable and small. 

We all live in fear of things and this fear can be so suffocating. Letting go and accepting things as they are, is living freely. It’s living in your truest form because you are not trying to control an outcome. You’re allowing yourself and life to perform at the same time and neither takes center stage. That is the goal of living a life not trapped in fear.

Aparigraha-Non-Attachment

How to let go by non-attachment.

Aparigraha, one of the Yama’s from Patanjali’s 8 Limbs of yoga.

The yamas are essentially moral guidelines by which to live with regard to our relationship with ourselves, and the world around us. These moral codes can be applied both on and off the yoga mat, helping us to practice not just for the benefit of ourselves, but for the world around us.

Aparigraha translates to non-attachment, non-possessiveness, non-greed.

Yesterday, my wonderful friend Anna directed a sound bowl meditation class over Zoom. The theme of the class was ‘Letting go’.

As I closed my eyes and listened to her guiding us to let go by way of perception; letting go of the past, accept what has occurred and to accept things now as they are. Let go of the future, of things not yet occurred. Place all of these anxieties and thoughts beneath your feet and into the ground. Stay present. It does not mean to not honor these feelings or thoughts that come up in us, but to then not give it a place in where you are now.

It is so difficult for any of us to live 100% in the now. It is a practice that you must practice over and over. At the beginning it is minute by minute, then gradually hour by hour and eventually day by day. However, our human nature is always to revert back to listening to the stories in our heads, instead of the truth in our hearts.

We are taught that the heart only bares our desires, passions and wants and that these things have no right in our lives because if we are not struggling or aching or in some way, sweating to an end goal, we don’t deserve it. However, the heart is much more than that. It is our only truth. What lies in our hearts is who we truly are and if we relied on listening to it more, we’d know that we can live in the present and slowly let go of what is in our heads.

Those desires, passions and wants, are your true self. They are not governed by obligations and shoulds. If we looked closer and built a closer relationship with our heart, we’d see the truth of who we truly are and the potential we have to grow into the person we were meant to be.

Once you get a hint of your heart and the wants it is seeking, you begin to want to know more and more and you become lighter because you are not bogged down by the false feelings your head creates. When something is false or fake, it seems to weigh heavier because you have to hold up a stronger façade of yourself to others. However, when you are living in your truth, there is nothing to hide or lies to keep up with and you live lighter and freely because you are free.

As I fell into the mediation yesterday, I wondered how to explain letting go to some that are so used to thinking if they repeat the stories over and over in their heads, they’ll eventually figure it out. And I thought of this:

Imagine yourself holding bags of groceries. They are plenty and heavy; like your thoughts. Once you reach home, you’ll need to put these groceries away or they’ll spoil. Each grocery has it’s proper place; refrigerator, pantry, bathroom closet, etc. Once the groceries are out of your hands and into their proper place, you immediately feel lighter and no longer see your groceries, they are away, where they belong.

If we looked at this from the prospect of how to put our thoughts away into their proper place, we will feel lighter. Once a thought from the past pops up, place it back in its place by simply saying:” I am here now. That belongs there.” You can even name where it needs to go, example: “This thought belongs to my 7 year old self.” And then tell yourself where/who you are now, the date and time and what you are currently doing: “I am 37 years old, standing in my kitchen on Tuesday at 8:15am, scrambling eggs for breakfast.”

If a thought from the future pops up, the same practice can be taken, however in reverse. State what you are doing, who you are in the now, the date and time & what you are doing and where the future thought belongs: “I am 37 years old and I am standing in my kitchen scrambling eggs for breakfast. The thought that is coming from a future place does not belong here because it is Tuesday, 8:15am and I can’t foresee the future.”

These are things that have helped me tremendously. I am not a doctor or psychologist or anyone with a degree. However, I am a human having gone through some intense traumatic experiences and I can tell you what has worked for me over and over again. I have walked the path of least resistance and the knowledge I have, comes from experience & practice.

Again, this is a practice. Therefore, it must occur often and with practice it becomes easier. The thoughts may come but they will not take residence in your head, eating up every moment of your life or debilitating you. Instead they leave as fast as they arrive or not at all.

So to live a life of non-attachment and letting go, it is about staying present because it is the only time we have.

Eckhart Tolle said: Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.

We have the power within us to live in the present. The tools to stay focused on the now and to be more aware of this very moment lie in letting go by not attaching yourself to the past or the future and accepting the now.